Unhinged Spoiler (145 cards)

_____Buy, 1U, Uncommon
Creature - Shapeshifter [1/1]
1: This card's name becomes the name of your choice.
Play this ability anywhere, anytime.

This card's flavor text becomes the flavor text of your choice.
(This ability doesn't work because it's flavor text, not
rules text (but neither does this reminder text,
so you figure it out).)

Illus. Ron Spears
Card #1
Avatar of MeBuy, 2UU, Rare
Creature - Avatar [*/*]
Avatar of Me costs 1 Mana more to play for each ten years you’ve been alive.
Avatar of Me’s power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me’s color is the color of your eyes.

Illus. Greg Hildebrandt
Card #1
Bad AssBuy, 2BB, Common
Creature - Donkey Zombie [3.5/1]
1B, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.
Illus. Thomas M. Baxa
Card #2
Brushstroke PaintermageBuy, 3U, Common
Creature - Human Wizard [2/3]
T: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of
your choice until end of turn.

He gives credit where credit isn't due.
Illus. Ron Spears
Card #3
Carnivorous Death-ParrotBuy, 1U, Common
Creature - Bird [2/2]

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous
Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Save a kill spell to deal with this guy.
Illus. Tim Hildebrandt
Card #4
CheatyfaceBuy, UUU, Uncommon
Creature - Efreet [2/2]
You may sneak Cheatyface into play at any time without
paying for it, but if an opponent catches you right
away, that player may remove Cheatyface from the game.


Illus. Doug Chaffee
Card #5
City of AssBuy, Rare
City of Ass comes into play tapped.

T: Add one and one-half mana of any one color to your
mana pool.

"But . . ."
Illus. John Avon
Card #6
Creature GuyBuy, 3G, Uncommon
Creature - Beast [3/3]
Gotcha - Whenever an opponent says "Creature" or "Guy,"
you may say "Gotcha!" If you do, return Creature Guy
from your graveyard to your hand.

There once was a player named Quinn, . .
Illus. Jeff Easley
Card #7
DuhBuy, B, Common
Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder
text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains
rules you already know.)

Will players understand that the creature is being crushed
by two parentheses? Not a chance.

Illus. Dave Dorman
Card #8
Enter the DungeonBuy, BB, Rare
Players play a Magic subgame under the table starting
at 5 life, using their libraries as their decks. After
the subgame ends, the winner searches his or her library
for two cards, puts those cards into his or her hand,
then shuffles his or her library.

Illus. Luca Zontini
Card #9
Eye to EyeBuy, 2B, Uncommon
You and target creature's controller have a staring
contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

True, Gargox had blinded himself for life, but the glass eyes never lost.
Illus. Michael Sutfin
Card #10
Fat AssBuy, 4G, Common
Creature - Donkey Shaman [2/3.5]
Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're
eating. (Food is in your mouth and you're chewing,
licking, sucking, or swallowing it.)

Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can't encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards.
Illus. Jeremy Jarvis
Card #11
ForestBuy, Unknown
Basic Land

Illus. John Avon
Card #12
FlaccifyBuy, 2U, Common
Counter target spell unless its controller pays 3 1/2.

"Don't worry about it. It happens to every mage sooner or later."
Illus. Tim Hildebrandt
Card #12
Frazzled EditorBuy, 1R, Common
Creature - Human Bureaucrat [2/2]
Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has
four or more lines of text in its text box.)

The pen is mightier than the sword.
Illus. Jim Pavelec
Card #13
Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of EvilBuy, 8BB, Rare
Creature - Demon Child [8/8]
Flying, first strike, trample

If you say "I'm coming, too!" as you search your library,
you may pay 1B and reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal
Spawn of Evil from your library to have it deal 2 damage
to a player of your choice. Do this no more than once
each turn.

Illus. Ron Spencer
Card #14
Land Aid '04Buy, GG, Common
Search your library for a basic land card, put that
card into play tapped, then shuffle your library. If
you sang a song the whole time you were searching and
shuffling, you may untap that land.

Illus. Jim Nelson
Card #15
Look at Me, I'm R&DBuy, 2W, Rare
As Look at Me, I'm R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number. All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.

Card #17
Loose LipsBuy, U, Common
Enchant Creature
As Loose Lips comes into play, choose a sentence with
eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent,
you draw two cards unless that player says the chosen

Your sentence can't be longer than this one.
Illus. John Matson
Card #17
Mana FlairBuy, 1R, Common
Add R to your mana pool for each nonland permanent
by the artist of your choice.

What began as black
Has slowly shifted to red.
Fickle color pie.

Illus. Paolo "That's Actually Me" Parente
Card #18
Shoe TreeBuy, 4G, Common
Creature - Treefolk [3/3]
Shoe Tree comes into play with up to two shoe counters
on it. Use your shoes as counters.

Shoe Tree gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.

It grows several feet a year.
Illus. Francis Tsai
Card #19
Staying PowerBuy, 2W, Rare
As long as Staying Power is in play, "until end of
turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Mongo's fleas no longer bothered him. But the family of goblins that had moved in behind his left ear was starting to get really irritating.
Illus. Richard Sardinha
Card #20
Stone-Cold BasiliskBuy, 4G, Uncommon
Creature - Basilisk [2.5/5]
Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked
by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy
that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces
aren't letters.)

Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that
player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned
players can't attack, block, or play spells or abilities.

Illus. Don Hazeltine
Card #21
Working StiffBuy, 1B, Uncommon
Creature - Mummy [2/2]
As Working Stiff comes into play, straighten your arms.

When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.

"Suck on it, Stangg!"
-Sol'kanar the Swamp King

Illus. Darrell Riche
Card #22
"Ach! Hans, Run!"Buy, 2RRGG, Rare
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run!
It's the . . ." and name a creature card. If you do, search your
library for the named card, put it into play, then shuffle your
library. That creature has haste. Remove it from the game at end of turn.

Illus. Quinton Hoover
Card #23
Artful LooterBuy, 2U, Common
Creature - Human Wizard [1/2]
T: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent comes into play that shares an
artist with another permanent you control, untap Artful

Painting Found Abandoned in Graveyard
Merfolk Decry Wizards' Treatment

Illus. Heather "Erica Gassalasca-Jape" Hudson
Card #24
Ass Whuppin'Buy, 1WB, Rare
Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game
you can see from your seat.

Asses to ashes,
Donkeys to dust

Illus. Don Hazeltine
Card #25
AWOLBuy, 2W, Common
Remove target attacking creature from the game. Then
remove it from the removed-from-game zone and put it
into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever

Illus. Stephen Tappin
Card #26
Bursting BeeblesBuy, 2U, Common
Creature - Beeble [2/2]
Bursting Beebles is unblockable as long as defending
player controls two or more nonland permanents that
share an artist.

Like thousands of others, the beebles quit Magic for
several years following the release of the Mercadian
Masques set.

Illus. David "Beeblemania" Martin
Card #27
CardpeckerBuy, 1W, Common
Creature - Bird [1.5/1]

Gotcha - Whenever an opponent touches the table with
his or her hand, you may say "Gotcha!" If you do, return
Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Illus. Richard Sardinha
Card #28
Cheap AssBuy, 1W, Common
Creature - Donkey Townsfolk [1/3.5]
Spells you play cost 1/2 less to play.

And you thought Yawgmoth drove a hard bargain.
Illus. Randy Gallegos
Card #29
Circle of Protection: ArtBuy, 1W, Common
As Circle of Protection: Art comes into play, choose
an artist.

1W: The next time a source of your choice by the chosen
artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent
that damage.

1W: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's

Illus. Jim "Stop the Da Vinci Beatdown" Pavelec
Card #30
Drawn TogetherBuy, 2WW, Rare
As Drawn Together comes into play, choose an artist.

Creatures by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

"My Pete Venters theme deck is nearly complete.
Then I shall be unstoppable! Bwahahahaaa!"
-Pete Venters

Illus. Pete "Fear Me" Venters
Card #31
Frankie PeanutsBuy, 2WW, Rare
Legendary Creature - Elephant Rogue [2/3]
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target
player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player
answers the question truthfully and abides by that
answer if able until end of turn.

Don't cross him or you'll end up sleeping with the merfolk.
Illus. Thomas M. Baxa
Card #33
Head to HeadBuy, W, Uncommon
You and target opponent play Seven Questions about
the top card of that player's library. (That player
looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no
questions about the card that he or she answers truthfully.
You guess the card's name-that's question seven-and
the player reveals the card.) If you win, prevent all
damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of
your choice.

Illus. Thomas Gianni
Card #34
Keeper of the Sacred WordBuy, 2G, Common
Creature - Human Druid [2/3]
As Keeper of the Sacred Word comes into play, choose
a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of
the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

This is not a subliminal message.
Illus. Dany Orizio
Card #35
Magical HackerBuy, 1U, Uncommon
Creature - Human Gamer [1/2]
U: Change the text of target spell or permanent by
replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa,
until end of turn.

1|= y()u (4|\| r3,d 7#][5, y0|_| /\r3 , IVI0/\/$+3|2 &amp;33|<
Illus. Doug Chaffee
Card #36
Man of MeasureBuy, 1WW, Common
Creature - Human Knight [2/2]
As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of
Measure has first strike and gets +0/+1.

As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure
gets +1/+0.

You need to be this tall to play this card.
Illus. Edward P. Beard, Jr.
Card #37
Moniker MageBuy, 2U, Common
Creature - Human Wizard [2/2]
U, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage can't be the
target of spells or abilities this turn.

U, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains
flying until end of turn.

Illus. Keith Garletts
Card #38
Monkey Monkey MonkeyBuy, 3G, Common
Creature - Ape [1/1]
As Monkey Monkey Monkey comes into play, choose a letter.

Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent
whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Many matches make more madcap monkey mayhem.
Illus. Liz Danforth
Card #39
Mox LotusBuy, 15, Rare
T: Add ∞ to your mana pool.

100: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool.

You don't lose life due to mana burn.

Illus. Kevin Dobler
Card #40
Number CrunchBuy, 2U, Common
Return target permanent to its owner's hand.

Gotcha - Whenever an opponent says a number, you may
say "Gotcha!" If you do, return Number Crunch from
your graveyard to your hand.

Can you digit?
Illus. Stephen Daniele
Card #41
Old FogeyBuy, GG, Rare
Summon [7/7]
Phasing, cumulative upkeep 1, echo, fading 3, bands
with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered
plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

"These kids today with their collector numbers and their newfangled tap symbol. Twenty Black Lotuses and twenty Plague Rats. Now that's real Magic."
Illus. Douglas Shuler
Card #42
R&D's Secret LairBuy, Rare
Legendary Land
Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.

T: Add 1 to your mana pool.

"Let them complain. As long as the addictive ink is working, we can do anything we want."

Illus. John Avon
Card #43
Rocket-Powered Turbo SlugBuy, 3R, Uncommon
Creature - Slug [3/1]
Super haste (This may attack the turn before you play
it. (You may put this card into play from your hand,
tapped and attacking, during your declare attackers
step. If you do, you lose the game at the end of your
next turn unless you pay this card's mana cost during
that turn.))

Illus. Franz Vohwinkel
Card #44
Spell CounterBuy, 2UU, Uncommon
Counter target spell.

Gotcha - Whenever an opponent says "Spell" or "Counter,"
you may say "Gotcha!" If you do, return Spell Counter
from your graveyard to your hand.

Playing Unhinged, . . .
Illus. Doug Chaffee
Card #45
Standing ArmyBuy, 2WW, Common
Creature - Human Soldier [2/4]
As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.
(Attacking doesn't cause it to tap.)

They're the chair-men of the bored.
Illus. Randy Gallegos
Card #46
Touch and GoBuy, 3R, Common
Destroy target land.

Gotcha - Whenever an opponent touches his or her face,
you may say "Gotcha!" If you do, return Touch and Go
from your graveyard to your hand.

Judge's ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying "Gotcha!"
Illus. Ben Thompson
Card #47
AmbiguityBuy, 2UU, Rare
Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell
that has been played or a player plays a spell that
comes into play with counters, that player may counter
the next spell played or put an additional counter
on a permanent that has already been played, but not

Illus. Stephen Daniele
Card #48
B-I-N-G-OBuy, 1G, Rare
Creature - Hound [1/1]

Whenever a player plays a spell, put a chip counter
on its converted mana cost.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers
in a row with chip counters on them.

There was a farmer, had a hound . . .
Illus. Ron Spencer
Card #49
Booster TutorBuy, B, Uncommon
Open a sealed <b>Magic</b> booster pack, reveal the
cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove
that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Real men use Arabian Nights boosters.
Illus. Christopher Rush
Card #50
Bosom BuddyBuy, 3W, Uncommon
Creature - Elephant Townsfolk [1/4]
Whenever you play a spell, you may gain 1/2 life for
each word in that spell's name.

Step 1: I believe in a power and toughness greater than myself . . . ."
Illus. Dan Scott
Card #51
Dumb AssBuy, 2R, Common
Creature - Donkey Barbarian [3.5/2]
At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you
lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb
Ass attacks this turn.

Envying the intelligence of goblins is a bad place to be.
Illus. Bradley Williams
Card #52
Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)Buy, 2W, Common
If you control two or more white permanents that share
an artist, you may play Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy
One) without paying its mana cost.

Remove target enchantment from the game.

Synonyms for "erase" we haven't used: ablate, abrade, chafe, fray, frazzle, scuff, and scrub.
Illus. Pete "Yes the Urza's Legacy One" Venters
Card #53
Farewell to ArmsBuy, 1BB, Common
As Farewell to Arms comes into play, choose a hand
attached to an opponent's arm.

When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back,
sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player
discards his or her hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers
wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Illus. Ron Lemen
Card #54
Face to FaceBuy, 1R, Uncommon
You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three
Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face
deals 5 damage to that opponent.

Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock.
Illus. Randy Gallegos
Card #54
Time MachineBuy, 5, Rare
T: Remove Time Machine and target nontoken creature
you own from the game. Return both cards to play at
the beginning of your upkeep on your turn X of the
next game you play with the same opponent, where X
is the removed creature's converted mana cost.

Illus. John Avon
Card #55
Fascist Art DirectorBuy, 1WW, Common
Creature - Human Horror [2/2]
WW: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the
artist of your choice until end of turn..

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cranford,
After careful analysis of Jeremy's vocational testing, I feel that he is best suited for a career in either torture or art direction.

Illus. Edward P. "Feed Me" Beard, Jr.
Card #56
IslandBuy, Unknown
Basic Land

Illus. John Avon
Card #57
Ladies' KnightBuy, 3W, Uncommon
Creature - Human Knight [2/2]

Spells that players wearing at least one item of women's
clothing play cost 1 less to play. (Women's clothing
is designed to be worn exclusively by women.)

"I said 'Put him in a core set, not a corset!'"
-Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

Illus. rk post
Card #58
MountainBuy, Unknown
Basic Land

Illus. John Avon
Card #59
Now I Know My ABC'sBuy, 1UU, Rare
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents
with names that include all twenty-six letters of the
English alphabet, you win the game.

The quick onyx goblin jumps over the lazy dwarf.
Illus. Tony Szczudlo
Card #60
Phyrexian LibrarianBuy, 3B, Uncommon
Creature - Horror [3/3]
Flying, trample

At the beginning of your upkeep, remove the top card
of your library from the game face up and balance it
on your body.

When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced
card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

Illus. Kev Walker
Card #61
PlainsBuy, Unknown
Basic Land

Illus. John Avon
Card #62
SupersizeBuy, 1G, Common
Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

You want "mise" with that?
Illus. DiTerlizzi
Card #63
The Fallen ApartBuy, 2BB, Common
Creature - Zombie [4/4]
The Fallen Apart comes into play with two arms and
two legs.

Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove
an arm or a leg from it.

The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and
can't block if it has no arms.

Illus. Corey D. Macourek
Card #64
Water Gun Balloon GameBuy, 2, Rare
As Water Gun Balloon Game comes into play, each player
puts a pop! counter on a 0.

Whenever a player plays a spell, move that player's
pop! counter up 1.

Whenever a player's pop! counter hits 5, that player
puts a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token into
play and resets all pop! counters to 0.

Illus. Mark Brill
Card #65
When Fluffy Bunnies AttackBuy, 3B, Common
Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where
X is the number of times the letter of your choice
appears in that creature's name.

"Get it? Bunnies, letters, -X/-X? Me neither."
-Bucky, flavor text writer

Illus. Ray Lago
Card #66
WhenBuy, 2U, Rare
Counter target creature spell.

Illus. Dan Frazier
Card #67
World-Bottling KitBuy, 5, Rare
5, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a <b>Magic</b>
set. Remove from the game all permanents with that
set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

Illus. Alan Rabinowitz
Card #68
Zzzyxas's AbyssBuy, 1BB, Rare
At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland
permanents with the first name alphabetically among
nonland permanents in play.

Tired of always being picked last, the wizard Zzzyxas created the ultimate revenge.
Illus. Pete Venters
Card #69
Atinlay IgpayBuy, 5W, Uncommon
Eaturecray - Igpay
Oubleday ikestray

Eneverwhay Atinlay Igpay's ontrollercay eaksspay ay
onnay-Igpay-Atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

Isthay iecepay ofay avorflay exttay oesn'tday eallyray aysay anythingay.
Illus. Evkay Alkerway
Card #71
BloodletterBuy, 2B, Common
Creature - Zombie [2/3]
When the names of three or more nonland permanents
begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter.
If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

"That's not an A, it's an Ae. Wait, don't-"
-Hoebrus Vaem, Aerathi librarian, last words

Illus. Daren Bader
Card #72
Deal DamageBuy, 2RR, Uncommon
Deal Damage deals 4 damage to target creature or player.

Gotcha - Whenever an opponent says "Deal" or "Damage,"
you may say "Gotcha!" If you do, return Deal Damage
from your graveyard to your hand.

Until he got singed . . .
Illus. Scott M. Fischer
Card #73
Double HeaderBuy, 3UU, Common
Creature - Drake [2/3]

When Double Header comes into play, you may return
target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's

Players that don't read flavor text aren't too bright,
sorta smell, and dress funny. But let's just keep this
between us, okay? They can get kind of violent.

Illus. Richard Sardinha
Card #74
Elvish House PartyBuy, 4GG, Uncommon
Creature - Elf Rogue [*/*]
Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal
to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

The party was going strong for nearly an hour past midnight-then all of a sudden it just petered out.
Illus. Thomas Manning
Card #75
GleemaxBuy, 1,000,000, Rare
Legendary Artifact
You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Help us . . . R&amp;D under mental domination of alien brain in jar . . . only chance . . . Gleemax's blatant disregard for flavor text . . . send help!
Illus. Richard Thomas
Card #77
Goblin S.W.A.T. TeamBuy, 3R, Common
Creature - Goblin Warrior [2/2]
Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on
Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table
within five seconds. Play this ability only once each

They put the "special" in special weapons and tactics.
Illus. Eric Deschamps
Card #78
Granny's PaybackBuy, 7G, Uncommon
You gain life equal to your age.

R&amp;D Comments
BB 10/10: Why does a life-gaining card show an old lady killing people?
MR (10/10/03): We'll fix it in the flavor text.

Illus. Joel Thomas
Card #79
Goblin Secret AgentBuy, 2R, Common
Creature - Goblin Rogue [2/2]
First strike

At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from
your hand at random.


Illus. Tony Szczudlo
Card #80
Mana ScrewBuy, 1, Uncommon
1: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add 2 to your
mana pool. Play this ability only any time you could
play an instant.

There was no darker or more evil creation in all the multiverse than that of the mana screw.
Illus. Mike Raabe
Card #81
Mother of GoonsBuy, 2B, Common
Creature - Human Cleric [3/2]
Whenever a creature an opponent controls is put into
a graveyard from play, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless
you insult that creature.

"Word to me."
Illus. Darrell Riche
Card #82
Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever ElementalBuy, 1GG, Common
Creature - Elemental [2/2]
Art rampage 2 (Whenever this becomes blocked by a creature,
it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art
beyond the first.)

Illus. Greg Hildebrandt
Card #83
Pygmy GiantBuy, 1RR, Uncommon
Creature - Giant [0/2]
R, T, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage
to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed
creature's text box.

"487. You're welcome."
-Bucky, flavor text writer

Illus. Eric Deschamps
Card #84
Question Elemental?Buy, 2UU, Uncommon
Creature - Elemental [3/4]

Are you aware that when you say something that isn't
a question, the player who first points out this fact
gains control of Question Elemental?

"What the . . . ?"
Illus. Edward P. Beard, Jr.
Card #85
RemodelBuy, 2G, Common
If you control two or more green permanents that share
an artist, you may play Remodel without paying its
mana cost.

Remove target artifact from the game.

6 PM (23) This Old Grove 98055
A rusted masticore makes a beautiful addition to any garden

Illus. Lars Grant-"Wild Wild"-West
Card #86
Rod of SpankingBuy, 1, Uncommon
2, T: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player.
Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says
"Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Minutes before the campus watch busted pledge week at the Alpha Beta Unlimited house . . .
Illus. Mark Brill
Card #87
Save LifeBuy, W, Uncommon
Choose one — Target player gains 2½ life; or prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha — Whenever an opponent says “Save” or “Life,” you may say “Gotcha!” If you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Who consistently managed to win.
Illus. Ray Lago
Card #88
Smart AssBuy, 2U, Common
Creature - Donkey Wizard [2.5/1]
Whenever Smart Ass attacks, name a card. Defending
player may reveal his or her hand and show you that
the named card isn't there. If that player doesn't,
Smart Ass is unblockable this turn.

"I don't get it. Why doesn't anybody like me?"
Illus. Trevor Hairsine
Card #89
Toy BoatBuy, 3, Uncommon
Artifact Creature - Ship [3/3]
Cumulative upkeep-Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning
of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then
sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each
age counter on it-without pausing between or fumbling

Illus. Lars Grant-West
Card #90
Zombie FanboyBuy, 2B, Uncommon
Creature - Zombie Gamer [1/1]
As Zombie Fanboy comes into play, choose an artist.

Whenever a permanent by the chosen artist is put into
a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.

The real advantage of being a zombie gamer? No one notices the stench.
Illus. Matt "I'm Your Boy" Cavotta
Card #91
Blast from the PastBuy, 2R, Rare
Madness R, cycling 1R, kicker 2R, flashback 3R, buyback

Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to target creature
or player.

If the kicker cost was paid, put a 1/1 red Goblin creature
token into play.

Illus. Douglas Shuler
Card #92
Curse of the Fire PenguinBuy, 4RR, Rare
Enchant Creature
Curse of the Fire Penquin consumes and confuses enchanted


Creature - Penguin


When this creature is put into a graveyard from play,
return Curse of the Fire Penguin from your graveyard
to play.


Illus. Matt Thompson
Card #93
EmceeBuy, 2W, Uncommon
Creature - Human Rogue [0/1]
Whenever another creature comes into play, you may
stand up and say in a deep, booming voice "Presenting
. . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a
+1/+1 counter on that creature.

The ogre appealed the match loss and got it downgraded to a warning.
Illus. Quinton Hoover
Card #94
First Come, First ServedBuy, 1W, Uncommon
The attacking or blocking creature with the lowest
collector number has first strike. If two or more creatures
are tied, they all have first strike.

The Yotian soldiers hoped that one day R&amp;D would make an artifact creature whose name starts with Z. And in their dreams, it's a 4/1.
Illus. Thomas Gianni
Card #95
Fraction JacksonBuy, 2G, Rare
Creature - Human Hero [1/1.5]
G, T: Return target card with a 1/2 on it from your
graveyard to your hand.

Bitten by radioactive beebles in a freak algebra accident, young Ricky Robertson discovered he'd gained the ability to harness the awesome power of fractions!
Illus. Mark Poole
Card #96
Framed!Buy, 1U, Common
Tap or untap all permanents by the artist of your choice.

Who knew an 8? by 10? could feel like a 2? by 4??
Illus. Alan "Don't Feel Like You Have to Pick Me" Pollack
Card #97
Goblin MimeBuy, 1R, Common
Creature - Goblin Mime [2/2]
When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems.
Illus. Franz Vohwinkel
Card #98
Graphic ViolenceBuy, 2G, Common
All creatures by the artist of your choice get +2/+2
and gain trample until end of turn.

Illus. Wayne "King of" England
Card #99
Greater MorphlingBuy, 6UU, Rare
Creature - Shapeshifter [5/5]
2: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding,
bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike,
haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color
of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample
until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice
until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling's type becomes the creature type
of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the
symbol of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling's artist becomes the artist of
your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end
of turn.

2: Untap Greater Morphling.

Illus. Greg "Six-Pack" Staples
Card #100
Kill! Destroy!Buy, 1BB, Uncommon
Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha - Whenever an opponent says "Kill" or "Destroy,"
you may say "Gotcha!" If you do, return Kill! Destroy!
from your graveyard to your hand.

Getting "Gotcha'ed" again and again.
Illus. Corey D. Macourek
Card #101
Laughing HyenaBuy, 1G, Common
Creature - Hyena [2/2]
Gotcha - Whenever an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!"
If you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard
to your hand.

"Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, 'It's getting hot in here, huh?' The other muffin says, 'Aagh! A talking muffin!'"
Illus. Mark Poole
Card #102
Letter BombBuy, 6, Rare
When Letter Bomb comes into play, sign it and shuffle it into target player’s library. That player reveals each card he or she draws until Letter Bomb is drawn. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to him or her.

"Dear Magic R&amp;D, . . ."
Illus. Daniel Gelon
Card #103
Mons's Goblin WaitersBuy, R, Common
Creature - Goblin Waiter [1/1]
Sacrifice a creature or land: Add 1/2*R to your mana

Poached Rukh Eggs
Cooked Rock
Wormfang Turtle Soup

Illus. Pete Venters
Card #104
Necro-ImpotenceBuy, BBB, Rare
Skip your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.
Pay ½ life: Remove the top card of your library from the game face down. Put that card into your hand at end of turn.

Illus. Mark Tedin
Card #105
Orcish ParatroopersBuy, 2R, Common
Creature - Orc Paratrooper [4/4]
When Orcish Paratroopers comes into play, flip it from
a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers
unless it lands face up after turning over completely.

IOU one parashoot
-Urk, mogg fanatic

Illus. Matt Thompson
Card #106
Persecute ArtistBuy, 1BB, Uncommon
Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player
reveals his or her hand and discards all nonland cards
by the chosen artist.

The torches and pitchforks were no match for Rebecca's fans.
Illus. Rebecca "Don't Mess with Me" Guay
Card #107
Richard Garfield, Ph.D.Buy, 3UU, Rare
Legendary Creature - Human Designer [2/2]
You may play cards as though they were other Magic cards of your choice with the same mana cost. (Mana cost includes color.) You can't choose the same card twice.

And yea he doth spake: "Let there be Magic."
Illus. Dave Dorman
Card #108
Side to SideBuy, 2G, Uncommon
You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, put
a 3/3 green Ape creature token into play.

His friends at the gym never knew Garanth's secret shame. For years he had tried to walk away from professional arm wrestling, but hey-free monkeys.
Illus. Jim Nelson
Card #109
Six-y BeastBuy, 3R, Uncommon
Creature - Beast [0/0]
As Six-y Beast comes into play, you secretly put six
or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses
the number of counters. If that player guesses right,
sacrifice Six-y Beast.

Is it six?
Illus. Anson Maddocks
Card #110
SauteBuy, 1RR, Common
Sauté deals 3½ damage to target creature or player.

"Selecting the proper beeble is the key to a good saute. The pinker the fur and the heartier the yelp, the more succulent the beeble will be when you pop it in your mouth."
-Asmoranomardicad- aistinaculdacar,
The Underworld Cookbook

Illus. Jeff Miracola
Card #111
Stop ThatBuy, B, Common
Target player discards a card.

Gotcha - Whenever an opponent audibly flicks the cards
in his or her hand, you may say "Gotcha!" If you do,
return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Now for a squirt of lemon juice.
Illus. Anson Maddocks
Card #112
SwampBuy, Unknown
Basic Land

Illus. John Avon
Card #113
Tainted MonkeyBuy, 1B, Common
Creature - Ape [1/1]
T: Choose a word. Target player puts the top card of
his or her library into his or her graveyard. If that
card has the chosen word in its text box, that player
loses 3 life.

"C'mon, choose 'monkey.' Everybody loves monkeys!"
Illus. Mark Zug
Card #114
Urza's Hot TubBuy, 2, Uncommon
2, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that
shares a complete word in its name with the discarded
card, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Then shuffle
your library.

Illus. Stephen Tappin
Card #115
Aesthetic ConsultationBuy, B, Rare
Name an artist. Remove the top six cards of your library
from the game, then reveal cards from the top of your
library until you reveal a card by the named artist.
Put that card in your hand, then remove all the other
cards revealed this way from the game.

Illus. David "Help Me" Martin
Card #116
AssquatchBuy, 4R, Rare
Creature - Donkey Lord [3.5/3.5]
Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey comes into play, untap target
creature and gain control of it until end of turn.
That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Who wants to see a picture of a big hairy ass?
Illus. Jeremy Jarvis
Card #117
MiseBuy, U, Uncommon
Name a nonland card, then reveal the top card of your
library. If that card is the named card, draw three

mise 'miz v [alter. of might as well] (1997) 1: to win when you don't deserve to 2: to top-deck the "tings" you need 3: to be rewarded by an opponent's bad luck 4: to coin a phrase that spreads through the tournament scene like wildfire 5: to fling a monkey 6: to split firewood using a sharp instrument 7: To burn
Illus. Matt Cavotta
Card #118
Red-Hot HottieBuy, 2RR, Common
Creature - Elemental [2/5]
Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature,
put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It
has "At the end of each turn, sacrifice this creature
unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

She was winning the Dominarian "Are You Hot?" competition until disaster struck during the wet T-shirt round.
Illus. Jeremy Jarvis
Card #119
WhoBuy, XW, Rare
Target player gains X life..

Illus. Dan Frazier
Card #120
WordmailBuy, W, Common
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its

Illus. Ron Spencer
Card #120
WhereBuy, 3B, Rare
Destroy target land.

Illus. Dan Frazier
Card #120
WhatBuy, 2R, Rare
Destroy target artifact.

Illus. Dan Frazier
Card #120
WhyBuy, 1G, Rare
Destroy target enchantment.

Illus. Dan Frazier
Card #120
Gluetius MaximusBuy, 3GG, Uncommon
Creature - Beast [5/5]
As Gluetius Maximus comes into play, an opponent chooses
one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)

When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus,
sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

Illus. Jeff Easley
Card #121
Little GirlBuy, W (HALF), Common
Creature - Human Child [0.5/0.5]
In the future, she may be a distinguished leader, a great scholar, or a decorated hero. These days all she does is pee the bed.
Illus. Rebecca Guay-Mitchell
Card #122
Meddling KidsBuy, 2WU, Rare
Creature - Human Child [2/3]
As Meddling Kids comes into play, choose a word with
four or more letters.

Nonland cards with the chosen word in their text box
can't be played.

These kids know their four-letter words.
Illus. Christopher Moeller
Card #123
My First TomeBuy, 3, Uncommon
1, T: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target
opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that
card. If you do and your opponent guessed wrong, draw
a card.

This card is named My First Tome.
Illus. Heather Hudson
Card #124
Name DroppingBuy, 1G, Uncommon
Gotcha - Whenever an opponent says a word that's in
the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!"
If you do, return that card to your hand.

Gemini (May 21 to June 21) This week is a good time to branch out and meet others, but don't forget your roots. Avoid commitments and open flame.
Illus. Tony Szczudlo
Card #125
PunctuateBuy, 3R, Common
Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to
half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's
text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - -
( ) / " ' &amp; .)

"Ooh-right in the colon."
Illus. Jim Pavelec
Card #126
S.N.O.T.Buy, G, Common
Creature - Ooze [*/*]
As S.N.O.T. comes into play, you may stick it onto
another creature named S.N.O.T. in play. If you do,
all those creatures form a single creature.

S.N.O.T.'s power and toughness are equal to the square
of the number of S.N.O.T.s stuck together. (One is
a 1/1, two are a 4/4, three are a 9/9, and four are
a 16/16.)

Illus. Cyril Van Der Haegen
Card #127
TogglodyteBuy, 3, Uncommon
Artifact Creature - Golem [4/4]
Togglodyte comes into play turned on.

Whenever a player plays a spell, toggle Togglodyte's
ON/OFF switch.

As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can't attack
or block, and all damage it would deal is prevented.

Illus. Dan Frazier
Card #128
Topsy TurvyBuy, 2U, Rare
The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The
phases are, in reverse order, end, postcombat main,
combat, precombat main, and beginning.)

If there are more than two players in the game, the
turn order is reversed.

"Here on going is heck the what?"
Illus. Jeff Miracola
Card #129
Uktabi KongBuy, 5GGG, Rare
Creature - Ape [8/8]

When Uktabi Kong comes into play, destroy all artifacts.

Tap two untapped Apes you control: Put a 1/1 green
Ape creature token into play.

"I desire the acquisition of a potassium-rich fruit comestible of substantial magnitude."
Illus. Una Fricker
Card #130
Vile BileBuy, 1B, Common
Creature - Ooze [2.5/2.5]
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile
Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Illus. Tony Szczudlo
Card #131
Wet Willie of the DamnedBuy, 2BB, Common
Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to target creature or player and you gain 2½ life.

Ever the warrior, Glissa responded with a "wedgie from beyond Uranus."
Illus. Greg Staples
Card #132
Yet Another Aether VortexBuy, 3RR, Rare
All creatures have haste.

Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.

Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are
in play under their owner's control in addition to
being in that library.

It puts the "vortex" in "flavortext." R
Illus. David Day
Card #133
Collector ProtectorBuy, 3WW, Rare
Creature - Human Gamer [2/5]
W, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside
the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt
to you or Collector Protector this turn.

"Here-have a Mudhole."
Illus. Christopher Rush
Card #134
Rare-B-GoneBuy, 2BR, Rare
Each player sacrifices all rare permanents, then reveals
his or her hand and discards all rare cards.

The only rare you'll ever need. Okay, not really.
Illus. John Matson
Card #135
Pointy Finger of DoomBuy, 4, Rare
3, T: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the
table so that it rotates completely at least once,
then destroy the closest permanent the finger points

"I would have made a 'Spin-The-Bottle' joke if I thought anyone reading this had ever played the game."
-Bucky, flavor text writer

Illus. Martina Pilcerova
Card #136
Johnny, Combo PlayerBuy, 2UU, Rare
Legendary Creature - Human Gamer [1/1]
4: Search your library for a card and put that card
into your hand. Then shuffle your library.

"Just wait till I get my Krark-Clan Ironworks, Genesis Chamber, and Grinding Station. Oh yeah, and a second Myr Retriever."
Illus. Kensuke Okabayashi
Card #137
Symbol StatusBuy, 2GG, Uncommon
Put a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token
into play for each different expansion symbol among
permanents you control.

"Everyone break into teams. Weaponry, you're with me. Nature group, meet by the palm tree. Stoneworks and metalworks, follow the anvil. Everyone else, gather around the giant V."
-Sword of Kaldra

Illus. Liz Danforth
Card #138
Mouth to MouthBuy, 3U, Uncommon
You and target opponent have a breath-holding contest.
If you win, you gain control of target creature that
player controls.

Interesting tidbit: Surveys show that the card Ow has one of the most popular pieces of flavor text in the Unglued expansion.
Illus. Alan Pollack
Card #139
Form of the SquirrelBuy, G, Rare
As Form of the Squirrel comes into play, put a 1/1
green Squirrel creature token into play. You lose the
game when it leaves play.

Creatures can't attack you.

You can't be the target of spells or abilities.

You can't play spells.

Illus. Carl Critchlow
Card #140
Super Secret TechBuy, 3, Rare
All premium spells cost 1 less to play.
All premium creatures get +1/+1.

"Ooh... shiny!"
Illus. Dan Frazier
Card #141
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